Coming Of Age (Critique Draft)

Sitting on my couch, I looked around my living room and inhaled the vanilla-like aroma of my home, thinking abut how I’m not going to be hanging around here for a whole entire weekend. That means, no mom and dad for three days! Sure it may seem like a really short time, but since it was my first time being away from home, it felt like I was going to be gone for a whole century! “Precious, did you pack all your things? We’re leaving for the airport soon!”, I heard my dad say from the bedroom. “Yeah, almost done!”, was my reply. Looking to my left, i saw my mom peeking over at me with a slight smile. She came closer to me and pulled me into a warm hug as she said “I’m going to miss you. Take care okay? Make sure you open those envelopes I gave you. One for every day you’re at the Big Island”. We pulled out of the hug and I returned a smile to her saying “Yes, I will. I’m going to miss you, too, mom.” Then my dad called for a cab and we were on our way to the airport.

We all jumped out of the cab and I heard my mom ask the taxi driver if he could wait a little while in the parking lot so that my parents could drop me off at the front doors of the airport, where my dance friends and I were supposed to meet. My mom, dad, and I waited patiently for my instructor and my dance mates to arrive. All of a sudden, my instructor, Ms. Angie, says that it’s almost time to depart. I looked at my mom and dad and I suddenly feel a verge of tears striking my eyes. I let go the handle of my luggage and ran towards my mom and dad asking if I could stay with them. I looked graciously at them as they nodded their heads side to side. I gave them the tightest hug one last time and I finally followed the other dancers to the gate.

I sat in my seat next to my friend, Kapua. I thought about my home. My parents. My friends. And how I wished I were at my house. The tears kept falling and falling and Kapua looked at me and tried to cheer me up. “Don’t worry, Zee. This trip is gonna be so much fun! Ms. Angie said that we’re gonna go camping!” In my head, I thought, "This trip does sound like fun. Maybe I’ll give it a chance." Suddenly, Kapua asks, “So what do you say?” Without a doubt I reply, “You had me at camping!”

We finally arrived at Ms. Angie’s new home in the Big Island. I looked around and said to myself, "This does not look anything like my house." It was a two-story house with a media room, two kitchens, five bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, and a whole lot of space. Sure, my house was way smaller but, for some reason, I didn’t feel too home-y here. Everyone made me feel really welcomed, but it just wasn’t MY home. “Now, everyone is going to stay in the upstairs living room. Make sure that you guys feel at home. We’re all family here”, Ms. Angie said with a smile. We all dragged our things up the stairs and settled in. We had dinner in their upstairs kitchen and I suddenly remembered that I had an envelope from my mom to open. But I couldn’t leave the table just yet, because that would be really rude. So as soon as dinner ended, I opened up a small envelope that said Day 1. Inside, there was a note that said: “Hi Precious! You’ve only been gone for a couple of hours, but your dad and me already miss you! Have fun and smile! Love, Mom and Dad.” At the bottom of the note, there was a quote that said: “Be happy. It's one way of being wise”. I held the note to my chest and kept it safe in the very back of my luggage. The clock strike 8pm and it was time for bedtime. I snuggled into my sleeping bag imagining that I was at home. Before I knew it, I fell into a deep slumber.

*Riiiiiiing*. “Wake up! Performance day, girls!” said Ms. Angie. We all took our turns taking a shower and then it hit me. "How am I supposed to put on my make-up? My mom usually puts it on for me on performance days", I said in my head. “Ms. Angie, I’m not really sure on how to put on stage make-up. Can you help me?” She looked down at me and said, “Of course, I’ll help you. But it is a dancer’s responsibility to know how to apply make-up. How ‘bout I demonstrate it on me first, and you try to follow along. Sounds good?” I thought about it for a while and nodded my head. She then gave me a little tutorial and my make-up turned out pretty decent! Wow. I said to myself. I know how to put on make-up, now! Cool. Ms Angie examined my make-up and said that I did a good job.

It was finally time to go to the first performance of the day and we all stepped up on stage and performed our number. Usually, my mom would be backstage helping me dress up, but I had to take responsibility for myself and change on my own. It was kind of a struggle to be changing from outfit to outfit on my own, but I still changed just in time to be ready for the next number. Then it was time to head to the mall for the second performance of the day. Once again, I didn’t have anyone there to help me through my changes. But this time, I was quicker. "Ha, I’m getting the hang of this". Third performance of the day was right around the corner. But we had to go get lunch first. We went to the nearest McDonalds and I took out my wallet as I handed my lunch money to Ms. Veronica. Being my first time handling money, I made sure that I had enough money to pay for lunch the next day. So we ate lunch and we headed off to the School of Performing Arts. There, we performed our last dance of the day. When we got to Ms. Angie’s house I had to organize my outfits and fold them all so that my luggage was neat. I made sure that everything was in place and that I didn’t leave any of my outfits lying around. It was 5pm and it was time to eat dinner. We all had a part in cooking dinner. My job was to separate the carrots and the celery. This was my first time helping out with a meal. And it was pretty fun! So we put everything together, ate it, and all felt like big balloons filled with chilli. Heh. Anyway, I opened the envelope in my luggage that said “Day 2” on the front. Inside, the note said: “Hi Precious! I hope you are doing fine. Make sure to call me before you go to bed. Your dad and I are very proud of you for being so responsible. Love you! Mom and Dad”. At the bottom a different quote from the last said: “You learn something knew and useful every single day.” I took out my cell phone and called my mom. We told each other how much we missed each other even if I’ve been away from home for only two days. Then it was time to hang up and go to bed. Day two complete.

Day three has come and I looked out the window and saw the sun rise out behind the mountain realizing that it was 6 in the morning. My friend Lauren walks over to me and sings “We’re going camping! Uh, uh. We’re going camping. Woot Woot.” On our way to the camp, everyone in the van was singing “We’re going camping! Uh, uh. We’re going camping. Woot Woot” repeatedly until we got tired of it. When we first got there, we had breakfast. It was the regular Cheerios cereal and milk. But for some reason, it tasted even better since we were outside. Anyway, we played a little bit of games and sang a couple of songs. We made some burnt marshmallows and, you know, the usual camping stuff. Then we had to head back home so that we could pack up our things so we’re ready for the flight back home tomorrow. At Ms. Angie’s home, I opened the last envelope from my mom and it said: “Well, I know you had a problem with going on this trip in the first place. But I bet you had fun. See you tomorrow, Precious! :)” And as usual the quote at the bottom said: “It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually.”

This whole trip to the Big Island helped me to conquer my fear of leaving home, to do things that I’ve never done on my own for the first time, and just believe in myself. I faced many situations in which I had to learn how to take responsibility for myself and that is the key element to coming of age. I was like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon. I became, me.