When you're here at Disneyland, you feel as if you are someplace other than the real world. As you walk down the streets of the happiest place on earth, the same line goes through your head: "This place is astonishing!". The smell of the buttery popcorn arouses your senses as you walk past the amusing, colorful rides and shops that leer you in from all directions. Train bells and the whistles of a steamboat echo from afar as they pass by. As you look back, you see a huge roller-coaster ride with a large Mickey Mouse symbol right in the middle. The smiles and loud screams of those on the ride are obviously contagious as you feel your own lips form into a slight grin revealing your pearly, white teeth. Looking down, you see the tall, green palm trees and an intimidating, heart-pounding water ride reflecting in the clear blue water. Even though the park is extremely packed, it's easy to forget the thousands of other people, smiling, holding cameras and taking pictures of their family and friends, that surround you.
Hi Czarina,
ReplyDeleteooohhhh....that's where we were, just before Spring Break!
Nice job of bringing closure to your description.
One error in word choice: I think you mean "lure" rather than "leer."
Continue to try for strong verbs and less explanation. For example: "The smell of the buttery popcorn arouses your senses as you walk past the amusing, colorful rides..."
More direct: "Buttery popcorn scents the air as you walk past the graceful Sun Wheel and the bright red cars of Mulholland Drive, crazily hurtling round the track."
Assessment score: 3/2
mrs s